That's what I feel like doing today. I just can't shake the urge I have to take off running and not to stop until my legs give out on me. My chest is tight with anxiety and my mind full of worries.
While I was running on the treadmill at the gym I kept visualizing that I was running farther and farther away from my troubles. It really pushed me to go faster than I normally do. I just wanted the stresses to get lost. To go far, far away from me. After an hour at the gym (not all of that time spent running) I'm driving home and I still can't get the thought of running out of my head. I'm seriously trying to plan the route I would take. I thought that I'd have to find a way to carry my phone so I could call Michael when my legs finally gave out and I was balled up crying on the side of the road.
Thankfully I found another way to numb myself.
Yes, I mowed the lawn. Mindless strips of cutting grass. Tons of loud white noise. Pushing my muscles to the point of exaustion. It worked. I was beat when I finished. I felt that I was too tired to worry or stress. I showered and then laid on my bed with the cool breeze from window fan blowing me dry. I relaxed to the point where I almost napped.
My kids were hungry, so no more resting. Time to get back into life.
Time to pretend like everything is normal.
To pretend like we aren't at the edge of a cliff hanging on by our fingers.
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